{IVF/FET Cycle: A beautiful process}

I'm not gonna lie.  

This FET cycle is two things: 

1. way easier than last time 

but

2. way harder to be excited. 

I try really really really hard to be positive. And I'm also kind of a realist. I take everything into consideration and try not to get overly excited or too negative. 
I know things happen and that things don't always turn out the way we want them to. But I have a lot of faith in God's timing and in His plan and in His will.... and I believe that we have a responsibility to do all we can to make it possible for God to bless us with those things He has in store for us. And that includes being positive and being grateful and looking on the bright side. 

I try. I really really do. 

We have a lot of hope in this FET cycle. I know it's going to turn out the way the Lord intends it to as long as we do our part.  But....yeah, I hate that I keep wanting to say "but....". Makes me feel ungrateful.

BUT I'll say it anyway. 

But despite all of that, as we are starting another cycle, I don't have the excitement I did the first time. It's a long process and luckily we know what to expect and I've already experienced all the meds 
and injections 
and appointments 
and labs 
and then the transfer
and the TWW
and the pregnancy test results......

I know exactly how all of that goes so, this time, it's been ... easy so far. :) I'm so happy about that! 

But it's the end results that are hard to get excited for this time like I was last time. We were soooo excited. And for good reason!! I don't regret any of it! We got pregnant and it was an amazing and beautiful experience despite how short lived it was.  We've been so tremendously blessed. But getting excited this time has been a difficult process because that's what it is---

A process.

We change every day. We're human and we're going through challenges and life experiences. Tomorrow will likely be better than today. Thankfully. And then the next day might be a little harder but we'll make it through because of prayer and family and an awesome marriage. 

So that's how I've been trying to look at it. Yes, I'm a little discouraged and sad that I'm not as excited right now. But (this is a good 'but' this time...) I also know that when we walk into the office for our transfer and my bladder is full to bursting and we're lead down the hall, we'll change into our gown and scrubs and our embryologist will come in with a picture of our next embryo.

That's when it will happen.

I'll feel that intense love for our little one in the picture and know it will be placed back home inside my tummy. I'll get the excitement back at that moment if I haven't re-discovered it before then. 

We'll have another chance at giving life.

And that's a beautiful thought.