His Hand

There was a time in my life when I couldn't live without a journal or notebook close by.  It was the hardest time in my life...but I received more revelation, more answers, more guidance and more dreams that comforted my aching heart than I have ever had or ever had since.  I don't want to go back to those days.  I don't want to go back to constant pain, medications, shots, calendars, being scared out of my mind...trying SO hard, praying so hard.

I have found myself sharing often lately of my experiences {in the past} of journaling and blogging and how they made me more aware of God's blessings and guidance in my life.

And yet, I haven't blogged in a year and I have only 10 journal entries in that amount of time. (some of them not long at all) 

But those answers, guidance, dreams and comfort?  I'm realizing more and more that I want that and I need that again.  I'm in a different stage of life now. I still desire the same thing as I did all those years ago, but in a new and different way.  

I didn't know back then, that there would be this little boy who would come into my life a few years later.  I didn't know that I'd be sitting here today telling you that I have a 3-yearl-old who asks me to snuggle him and says he "just needs" me (oh, my heart!)  This kid has me wrapped around his finger and drives me nuts all at once, and I wouldn't trade any of his craziness for the world.  

He came to us through adoption. I often find myself just watching him and suddenly remember he's not mine biologically... that I didn't form him in my belly. And I almost can't believe it. I feel like he's been mine forever and always. He has so much of me and so much of Bryce in him.  

And I never could have imagined the story he's created in our life. I never could have imagined him coming to us just days before he turned 5 months old. I never imagined that his birth mother would tell me, in all her sincerity, that she believes we were so close before this life that she promised to carry my baby and bring him to me since I wouldn't be able to bring him here myself.  I never imagined this girl, who I had never before met, would entrust this piece of her heart to my care. 

So today, I'm trusting that God has more in store for me. I'm trusting that in a few years, maybe I'll look back at today and realize just how much I didn't know. Just how much I was unprepared for His plan for me.  So to show God that I trust Him with the plan for my life, to show God that I'm ready for his guidance, his answers, his comfort for my aching heart, I'll be writing it all down. 

I'll be documenting his hand in my life.