What I have recorded below are word-for-word goals I wrote down in a notebook that I pulled out this weekend. I wrote them a week after my infertility diagnosis that confirmed that we would likely never become pregnant without medical help. I had just found out that I was missing half of my uterus and I was feeling emptier than I had in a long time. I knew I had a long road ahead of me and I didn't want to lose myself by being buried by it all. I wanted desperately for the Lord to make of me what he knew I could be.
To come out on the other end being able to look back and feel proud and happy with how I handled this trial.
To always remember that it is these moments and these experiences that will make the blessings all the greater.
To be grateful to the Lord and remember to look actively for the miracles and blessings from Him.
To have my testimony strengthened by these experiences; not weakened.
To never allow fear to guide my actions. To remember to acknowledge the fear and respect that it is there but not to allow it to be a dominant guide.
To take control of our situation and never feel controlled by it.
To respect my feelings and allow myself to feel what I feel.
To remember and know that these things are because they were meant to be and it is how the Lord intended.
To Trust God and Go and Do.
To always remember that it's a beautiful heartache to have and it's a beautiful dream.
What I didn't know at the time, was that writing these down on paper, even just in an old spiral notebook that got put in my hope chest, wrote them on my heart. And the spiritual truths behind them have gotten me though the hardest of days.
Taking the time and effort to write down spiritual experiences and goals shows the Lord that He is important to you, and doing so can bless you your whole life.
2 comments:
"To respect my feelings and allow myself to feel what I feel."
Such important words, Cherise. I needed to hear them today. I've been struggling with this lately. While I was blessed with two beautiful girls, a cancer diagnosis has since lead to my permanent infertility. Reading some of your entries has helped me process what I am going through and the idea of respecting my feelings is something I need to tell myself over and over again.
Thank you for your bravery in this blog. You are helping so many with your honesty and openness, myself included. You are such a beautiful soul.
I love it so much. I think I pretty much always know when I'm going through trials, and I know in the back of my mind that I need to deal with it well so I'll grow into a better person. But I don't sit down and think about *how* to do that. This is how. You're so, so wise.
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