{Remembering}

Have you ever been forgotten? Have you ever felt forgotten?

It's kind of one of the worst feelings ... ever. 

Have you ever been remembered? Have you ever felt remembered? 

It's kind of one of the best feelings ever.

The word Remember, or a form of it, is used two-hundred & twenty-one times in the Book of Mormon.

As I did the 65 day challenge to read the Book of Mormon, I found myself circling it every time I read it. I knew it said it a lot but this time, in particular, it felt bigger.

Like most spiritual things--as I pondered over this, it's slowly begun to come together in my mind over the last couple of months. And then this weekend it finally culminated into something I could actually write about.

I don't know how many times Remember is in the Bible. But there is one phrase I know from the Bible using it.

And the Lord remembered Hannah. 

Hannah had prayed for a baby for years but had remained childless, her womb closed and empty. But finally, the Lord remembered Hannah and she bore a son, Samuel.

I have not been remembered by the Lord in this way. But He has shown me that I am remembered...


I had finished the day. I had gotten so much done; I normally would have felt proud and satisfied and happy. But as I settled in, I just felt my empty house and my heavy heart, once again, aching to love our little ones yet to come into our home. I turned to the scriptures seeking some kind of solace.

Hope and faith had been a little scarce to my heart in recent days as I had allowed my focus to be on all that needed to be done to move forward with adoption. I felt the 'winds boisterous' and by doing so, I lost my focus, as Peter did, as he tried to walk on the water to Christ. I was sinking.

As I held onto my scriptures and tried to write my thoughts in my journal as I went, I remembered what my sister had told me several days before about two of her children. When she initially told me, I had planned to write it down and had forgotten by the time I returned home that day and so it never happened. But as I wrote, I recalled her words and began to record what she had recounted to me.

Jen told me last week that Taelyn (age 8) had been stressing all day over a school/class performance they were practicing for at school that week. During the performance she would have to link arms with a boy at one point. This was Not ok with her and she was really distressed over it. (I can totally relate! I had a similar experience at her age! Boys...) So her distress had reached a peak and so Jen suggested they pray about it. As they knelt together to pray, apparently Tae just looked up at her mom and asked if she could pray for me to have a baby.

I was remembered.

In the midst of the angst of 8-year old drama over a boy, she remembered me and my own angst. (She is also one that while playing house with a friend a couple years ago, was overheard instructing her friend on what their house game would be about--- "and you couldn't have kids, so you adopted...") She's my little angel. Oh, how I want to be more like her!

During that same conversation Jen told me about Tanner (age 11). Again. That boy has a heart of gold.  (All through our IVF treatments he would randomly send me a text from his iPod, "How are you?" "When do you get to go get your baby?")  Well, this time, on fast Sunday Jen was asking him if he was fasting for something he was having a hard time with at the time and he said no. She asked why and he said, "Well, I'm fasting for Cherise. I fast for her to get her baby every month."

I was remembered.

By little hands clasped in prayer to their big God, I was remembered. By unassuming, faithful, trusting little hearts, I was remembered.

These little ones I had witnessed come into this world Remembered me.

My God is big too. Still. After more then 2,300 days of barrenness, my God is still big and does big miracles and has one in store for me. In my emptiness, He remembers me.

I still judge Him faithful who promised.