'When Grief and Fear are Gone. Sorrow Forgot. Love's Purest Joys Restored.'

On Monday.....the day we found out we were losing our baby, I left work and Bryce left as well and met me at home. Our little home that we love.

I've been reminded today of when I was the RS Pres in our married student ward a couple years after we had gotten married. One of my counselors miscarried her first pregnancy and when I found out my heart broke for her. I had already been experiencing the heartache of infertility for some time and was so grateful that I had never miscarried because I knew it had to be ten times worse than just not getting pregnant at all. 

I sat down with the rest of my presidency and we talked about what we could do for her. We wrote her a card and bought a potted orchid and I went to deliver it. 

I was praying so hard that they would have peace and that all would be well with them. I felt completely unqualified to be delivering such a small token of love to a family that was hurting so deeply. 

But as she opened the door to their small town home, they were standing there together and you could see clearly their emotion in their eyes and entire demeanor. 

But what hit me the most that day was the Spirit I felt radiating from their home. I think it's the strongest I've ever felt it.  There must have been angels there with them that day comforting their hearts and speaking peace to their minds because it was just so......tangible and real. I felt blessed to have witnessed it, if only for a moment. 

I don't know how they actually felt that day. I don't know if they were aware of the Spirit's presence in the midst of their grief. And I've wondered over the last couple of days if that same thing is occurring in my own little home and I just haven't seen or felt it yet. 

I know the Lord comforts His people. I know He sends Angels to minister to those in need. 

Bryce and I have both been surprised at the amount of peace we already feel. Grief, anger, disappointment, sadness and our aching hearts are still all present but there's a blanket of peace surrounding the entire situation that I cannot account for, other than the Lord's promise of comfort and peace that the Spirit can bring. 

I know I have work to do.  I know I need to be stronger and more faithful and pray more fervently and more gratefully, to be sure.  I'll be working on that.  So I'm so thankful that He is also forgiving and kind and understands our hearts -- better than we even do.  

Jesus Christ has atoned for our sins and mistakes. No doubt about it. But He also atoned for our heartaches and sorrows, our pains and afflictions. 

Our limitations. 

That blanket of peace overlapping all the horribleness of our situation is that atonement that's just waiting for us to embrace more fully once we're ready for it. 

I found this quote around 3am today when I awoke and couldn't sleep, again. 

I love this promise. It gives me that little bit of hope I need to get me through the grieving process.