The Waiting

As with anything, there are goods and bads to the TWW.

I'll start with the "bads" so I can finish with the fun stuff. 

The Bads...or Not-So-Funs:

*It's just a long time! WaaH! 

It's like that phrase, "Hurry up and Wait!" You slowly build up for weeks and climax at the Transfer. 

So exciting!!!!!....... And then...... 

You go home 

and wait. 

And wait....

*You have to tell all the awesome well-wishers and loved ones etc that, 'no, not yet...' Over and over. Don't get me wrong though! We feel Incredibly blessed to have so many people praying for us, rooting for us, fasting for us, crossing their fingers and toes and eyes for us!!! But it is a little disappointing for me each time to have to say, "nope, not yet!" 

*Then.... Oh my goodness... Right now this is what in struggling with: the twinges, the aches, the fatigue....is freaking me out. I haven't felt this way after the two prior transfers. Either one. I am on a different form of progesterone and I'm thinking this is why. But......oh goodness, the anxiety! I'm so hyper aware of my body. Every inch of it. I'm not normally an anxious person but this is throwing me for a loop. Monday and Tuesday my low abdomen wasn't feeling great by the time I got home from work. Just a deep ache. No cramping--other than the 'twinges' that are normal for after a transfer. Just achy. And sooo tired. Got in bed at 8:00pm on Tuesday night. Yeah. 

Then comes Wed and by the time I got back to work after lunch that deep ache was worse and had started already. And over the following three hours it got worse. Not painful, just consistent and annoying and tiring! I knew I needed to be able to lie down. So once I had all my crap done and prepped for the following day I left work, went home and slept for two hours. 

This morning I woke up feeling bad again and was freeeeeaked out. Worrying that it's turning into cramps. I was praying praying praying so hard to God, asking to please keep my baby safe if possible. Everything is just an unknown for now and that is verrrrry frustrating to me. I imagine all the estrogen coursing through my veins is not helping my case any..... 

But I got up after lying awake praying for an hour and a half and got ready for work. I'm halfway through the day and am feeling better. Still feeling stuff going on in there but not as bad as yesterday. So relief is quite strong on my mind at the moment. 

I'm lying down in the passenger seat of my car munching on carrots for baby and resting my body. 

The Goods? 

Oh yes, in enjoying those! 

*My fave during this time is always referring to myself as 'us' or 'me and the baby' or just 'the baby'. 

Bryce has already heard, 

"but the baby neeeds ice cream." 

"Bryce, the baby needs cuddles"

"I'm feeding the baby" (anytime I eat healthy) 

The fabulous part is he cuddles me and let's me have ice cream and laughs at the joy of the idea of our baby. :) 

My coworkers like to say, "Well what does baby want??" (For lunch) 

*Hearing Bryce pray for me and for our baby and that we can keep it safe. 

*Feeling less guilty about buying baby stuff.... Like THIS!:

*and laying in bed at night and putting my hand on my tummy and thinking about our little one and praying that if its His will and if it's possible, that we will be blessed with a dream come true. 

Just a little while longer and we'll know. 💕