Going Through It

The day of our first Beta (pregnancy test) came.

I was feeling crappy, let's be honest. They say it's normal to feel 'twinges' because of all that's going on inside of you. Especially with all the meds. Two of the medications I was on were to help thicken the lining to give baby a nice cushion to snuggle into in my ute. :) So I'm sure that was a lot of it. But it made me nervous. My low back was hurting as well so overall I was just struggling.

I went in for my lab draw that morning before work. Tiecha was there. She's one of my favorite nurses. She's been with us since day one (August 2012) at this clinic. She was the one holding me hand and rubbing my arm during my Hysterosalpingogram and was there for most of my ultrasounds and lab draws and helped me though the Ovarian Hyperstimulation. She was the one who gave me her cell phone number and answered all my crazy questions on the weekends and at night when I was freaking out.

I got there and she hugged me. Love her. While she was drawing my blood, we chatted for a bit and she asked how I'd been feeling and everything. She told me how she's been praying every day for us and how she doesn't normally get emotionally involved with pt's lives but as soon as she saw how much Bryce loved me at our first appointment (when we found out how extremely difficult this would become) that she just couldn't help it. She said the way he looked at me and held my hand and smiled through all of it....she just knew he was amazing to me.

Oh how right she was!!! That day in particular.... after the HSG (which was so painful), they had sat me up and I looked through the pictures of my half-formed uterus and missing fallopian tube. After they left, I got up to get dressed and every inch of my body was shaking. It was difficult to get dressed. I wasn't holding it together very well. I had to keep taking huge deep breaths to get through it. But once Tiecha came and got me and lead me to the room where Bryce was..... oh my goodness. It was like I could breathe again.

He grabbed my hand and held it between his so tight the entire time as Dr. Noorhasan talked to us about those results and about avoiding Selective Reduction and about our percentages of success for every kind of treatment and about not being able to have twins and about how I only had one fallopian tube and how I needed a test to see if I had both kidneys and on and on.....

Tiecha was right. I've got this guy married to me that treats me like a queen. He's all rough and tough and strong and manly.....but on the inside (don't tell anyone) he's mush. He has the most tender heart and he does everything he can to help me be happy and have what I need.


I told him last night as we were lying in bed mourning our loss, "At least I have you love. You know, if I have to go through Hell, you're the one I would want to go through it with."

Maybe not the most romantic way to say it but.... still the truth.