IVF #6: Post-Retrieval: Not what we had expected

I left off in my last post with waking up from anesthesia, finding out they had taken 21 follicles. WOOHOO!!

It was a little while later that Dr. Noohasan (and probably Amy….head was still fuzzy) came back in.  There was a lot of conversation here…and again, I was very fuzzy still but understood for the most part. She asked how I was feeling. I was having quite a bit of cramping and felt more uncomfortable then before the procedure but I honestly figured it was normal. 

Until then. 

My stomach was still distended and since I had had the bouts of nausea before she was pretty worried. She pointed all of this out and then went on to say that she would feel a lot better if we cancelled the embryo transfer and freeze the embryos and allow me to heal before moving forward. She said they’d give me 1 to 2 months to fully recover and make sure I was 100%.  Another factor was the fact that my left ovary had been so very full of follicles, she was worried. 

All I heard was:

CANCEL THE TRANSFER.

no. no. no.

was all I was thinking.

This is not what I had anticipated. I looked at Bryce and was getting emotional. I looked back at her and said I thought I’d be ok and it wasn’t that bad and asked if we had to wait. She said again that she was worried about me and that she felt it would be wise to wait. 

All I was hearing was that our dreams were being pushed back, again. And that we wouldn’t be coming back for our babies in a few days. 

I remember saying several times that I didn’t want to wait as the tears kept forming in my eyes despite every effort to stay in control. Bryce was holding me hand the whole time and when I looked at him again he said to me that he felt like that was the right choice—to wait. He said he felt good about waiting. I nodded but said again I didn’t want to. 

At that point, when I looked at Dr N that time asking if we could just go ahead and do it anyway, she said point blank that it wasn’t actually an option at all; it had already been decided.

After that, I know we asked questions about how the frozen cycle would go and how soon we could start and that if I was doing well enough maybe the next month??? She indicated it was possible but that right now she really wanted me to concentrate on feeling better and that we’d just have to see how things went.  They gave us the discharge instructions again and said they’d be in touch and that Carlos would still call to tell us how many embryos we had.

They left again and I cried and cried. In hindsight, I can see that Bryce was as disappointed as I was about waiting but that he could really feel and tell that waiting was truly The Right Decision. He wasn’t even just trusting our doctor; he knew me, my body, and felt that waiting was what had to happen. He was amazing and sat there with me and supported me with everything he had.

They discharged us and I changed back into my own clothes and we left with three prescriptions we hadn’t been planning on. One was to help the nausea I’d been feeling that they had indicated would likely get worse. The second was a pill I’d take for the next two weeks to help decrease the size of my ovaries and follicles. And the third was an injection I’d have to do every evening for a week to bring my estrogen level back down to normal and get my cycle to end. 

I was not happy about having to go on new meds. This was not the plan.

We decided that since the specialty pharmacy we needed to pick them up at was there in Frisco (same city as the office), we’d find somewhere to eat while we waited for them to be filled. I still felt crappy and didn’t really want to do anything fancy. It took a while to find anything and really just ended up at Burger King. I got a chicken sandwich and attempted to eat inside at a booth. I only made it half way through my sandwich before I was slouched way down in my chair, wrapping it up and begging to just finish it in the car. Bryce got everything else thrown away really fast and helped me to the car and leaned my seat far back so I could lie down.

We made our way over to the pharmacy and talked a little about how they were helping form our little babies right then. But even while talking about it, I couldn’t help but be reminded I wouldn’t be going back for them like every other girl in that office (We had found out the week before that there were about 15 other couples on almost the same track as us and we’d been told that morning that they had several other retrievals that same day). I had jealousy going on because they were all going back within a couple days for theirs but we wouldn’t be. 

It broke my heart.

I stayed in the car while Bryce went in for the prescriptions. It took way longer than I had expected. He got back and said the process was just long because there was so much to give us. We got another sharps container and all the shots and alcohol wipes and other Rx bottles….it made me mad and sad.

I cried so hard on the drive home. I hurt and my heart hurt more. After everything we’d done, I’d have to wait longer. What was going on?? In the midst of my sobbing, of course, Bryce was there trying to comfort me AND drive on the highway at the same time. I told him how I felt about it and that it just wasn’t fair and that I didn’t want to wait. He assured me it was the right decision and really a month or two won’t be bad. It’ll go by quick and we’ll be coming back for our babies soon.

I knew all of it deep down but felt too much grief to want to acknowledge the facts. I’m so grateful that he keeps me on level ground as much as he does.  I imagine that it might not have felt so horrendous if my estrogen levels hadn’t been in the 5000 range. (normal is under 200 by the way…)

We stopped at my normal pharmacy to pick up the last prescription and headed home. Bryce got me settled in bed with the pain medication we’d picked up a couple days before and my Gatorade. 

Here's a pic of all those meds they added that I hadn't expected. They were pretty evil in my eyes at the time. I resented them pretty bad. Bryce was the one who did those 5 injections for me. I never touched one of them. Thank heavens for such a good man...

I slept for several hours thanks to Tylenol with Codine and woke up in good spirits. I talked to my sister on the phone I think. Eventually I got up to go to the bathroom and then into the kitchen to talk to Bryce.

As soon as I walked in he was asking me if my stomach should be as distended as it was. I said it was probably normal but that I really didn't feel well. Right as we were talking Bryce's phone went off saying he had a missed call and a voicemail. 

Dr Noorhasan had called both my phone and his but neither rang (really weird)

She left a message saying she wanted to check on me and was concerned.

Bryce called her right back and she answered on the first ring. It was after hours but she recognized the number and answered. She repeated what she had said on the message and Bryce explained that I had slept for quite a while and had just gotten up, wasn't feeling great but that honestly, I looked like I was a couple months pregnant. She had Bryce give me the phone.

I explained all of my symptoms--the cramping, the reflux, the bigger than normal belly and overall pain. Her response was, I'm not happy with those symptoms. Actually, I'm really not happy with it. How fast can you get to the office? 

She was an hour away and we were 45 so we agreed to meet in an hour at the Frisco office. We grabbed a couple things and got out of the house in 5 mins.

Here's in the elevator for the third time that day. Cute face, I know. Yikes. You can't really see how big my belly was and especially compared to what it normally is. I couldn't suck it in at all. Not fun. 

And, I'll have to keep going later. It's midnight. :)