The Entire story

I have no idea who will be interested enough to come to my blog let along read this post. I ask a few things if you decide to stay to read:

1. If you don’t know us, please know, we’re normally very very private. I personally am an over-sharer. I love talking to anyone! But where fertility is concerned, it’s the opposite. I have a very hard time talking about it and especially with knowing that people know. Not because I’m ashamed of it but because it’s personal. 

Most couples get to create life in the privacy of their own home and no one knows about the trying part of it or the conception. But for infertile couples, when it’s made public---all the sudden it’s just that: Public knowledge. Maybe there are couples ok with that but we are still not comfortable with it. Please accept that.

2. Please realize that this is an extremely difficult emotional journey for myself and my husband. Much of this information is very close to our hearts. You’ll notice I do no disclose all information about my diagnosis or the treatments we’ve tried in the past. It’s public information that we’re going to do IVF but I will not be sharing much more. Please accept that as well. 

3. Please be careful if you leave comments. I try very hard not to take offense at others’ opinions etc...but like I said above, it’s a sensitive subject so please be nice! (And after 3 years of seeing doctors, yes we have tried that. ;)

4. Last, I’m sorry to be abrupt, but if you cannot accept those three things and honor them, please do not read on. 

Thank You!

PS-if you’ve made it this far....especially if you know me personally, you’ll notice the lack of emotion. Please forgive me, my feelings are so close to the surface, I’m not ready to write about how I feel about much of this. But it’s been suggested that people would like more information about Bryce and me as a couple. So this is what I can give. Love you all. 

OUR BACKGROUND:

Bryce and I both grew up in amazing families; we’ve both been so blessed. Bryce’s dad served in the air force so he was born in Holland and then lived in Maryland and Missouri through school. I was born in Utah but grew up mainly in Arizona but was in Missouri for 5 years in between. Which is where our story together starts.

We met at a church early-morning seminary class and tolerated each other. I was the good girl, he was the one distracting people in class. Perfect couple right? He moved just before his junior year of high school to Texas. A year later my family moved to Arizona. We got in touch my senior year and I was head over heels for him within 2 months. We ended up dating long distance for the following 6 months at which time he left on a mission for the LDS church to Antananarivo, Madagascar for the following 2 years. We wrote letters faithfully every week while he was gone with the agreement that yes we were in love but people can change a lot in two years. I was going to school in another state and would date while he was gone. (He’ll tell you I cheated but I have proof--it was the plan!!!) 

So I did; I dated and dated and still wrote him every week. But it was never the love that I felt for him. He was always the one I wanted. He returned the summer of 2007 and I convinced him to move up to Logan, Utah by December of that year. I was attending USU to get my Bachelors in Fine Art in Drawing and Painting and was working as a waitress. We got engaged a few months later and set the date for June.

We were married in the Bountiful, Utah LDS Temple on Friday June 13th 2008. (Friday the 13th is a holiday we take very seriously around here! It’s a lucky day to us and always will be our extra anniversary!) 

We continued to live and work in Logan after our marriage. Bryce got into helicopter flight school to become a pilot. It’s been his dream for as long as I’ve known him and he’s completely addicted! While attending school I worked several different jobs and eventually started to work at a doctor’s office as a receptionist and loved it!

WANTING A FAMILY: 

We excitedly decided to try to start our family 5 months after we married. We were certainly not well off financially by any stretch of the imagination but I couldn’t see any reason why we shouldn’t start our family. We both grew up in large families. He has 3 brothers and 2 sisters and I have 5 sisters and 1 brother. We’re used to chaos! And actually, I now have 22 nieces and nephews and another niece on the way! Bryce is one of the oldest in his family so we’re the first to get married so they’re all waiting on us. :) We talked about what size family we wanted extensively when we were dating and engaged and we knew we wanted a larger family.

In September 2011 we realized quite suddenly that we needed to move from Logan but we didn’t know where. It was a crazy situation and a crazy month to say the least! We had waited and finally gone to a fertility doctor after two years of trying for a baby and we were in the middle of treatments at this time. After a lot of deliberation and frustration, I had to stop all of my medications so we could focus on the move, which we had decided would be to Texas. The whole thing was insane. We didn’t have jobs set up or a place to live (besides staying with his parents until we found a place!). But all we knew was that it was time and it was what we were supposed to do. So we followed the spiritual promptings and did it-even though it seemed crazy.

Another aspect of our lives at this time was that 6 months earlier we had started an intense budgeting system. We’ve always been smart with the little money we were making but we started reading a Dave Ramsey book and we incorporated his budgeting advice. The difference in our spending habits and even our eating habits was amazing. We were able to manipulate where our money was going more easily and were able to set aside that money for fertility treatments. It was so so tight but we did it and it was awesome. So when we found out we had to move we already had our budget in place and it helped tremendously! Had we not done that months ahead of time we never would have made it to Texas without swiping a credit card. (Nope, we never did!) But let me tell you, it was t.i.g.h.t. We had so many car issues and breakdowns and flat tires than you can imagine for one trip. But we felt more miracles and more blessings in that month and in the trip than we ever had before. When we arrived at his parent’s home in Texas, we literally had $11 to our names and yet by all accounts, we cannot figure out how we hadn’t run out of money for gas and food the day before. The math on paper Does Not Add Up. A year later we still have the envelope where I kept track of all the cash we had to our names with what we spent and where and it’s my proof....I’m telling you, the Lord blesses you when you follow the Spirit’s voice.

Once we arrived we slept for 3 days and then jumped right into job hunting. Bryce found one the very first day of his search (little punk...). He was hired as an aircraft mechanic at the small local airport. Five days later I got hired at Cardiovascular Specialists, working as a receptionist for 8 heart doctors. In this economy who even gets hired for such great jobs that fast??? I’ll tell you---when you follow the Spirit, you are blessed beyond measure! When you do, it doesn’t mean you’ll be free of difficulty or trial or strain but you will be taken care of and He’ll work miracles in your life. Soon after, we found a beautiful small rental home out in the country. Our landlords (and now great great friends) live in the main house and we rent what could be called the guest house. It’s beautiful out here and we love the people we’ve come to know!

ON TO OUR CURRENT SITUATION:

I loved our fertility doctor in Utah and although he let me continue my meds once we arrived in Texas, it was still unsuccessful after several more months and he couldn’t keep track of me as is necessary. I was released from his care so I could find someone here and I had the hardest time coming to terms with changing to a new fertility specialist. Finding a doctor that you can talk to and that will really listen and has a clinic that will treat you fairly is difficult to find. It can actually be a really emotional process since you’re dealing with such a sensitive issue. 

We prayed and prayed about our situation and tried to look around and decide what to do but I wasn’t getting results. Then in May I felt strongly I should talk to our Bishop’s wife. She’s a nurse at a local hospital and I thought she might have heard of someone good. I caught her at a scouting event (my husband works with the scouts and I work with the young women in our youth group at church). I told her our situation and asked if she knew of anyone. She didn’t at that time but said she’d look into it and was so excited about doing so because her daughter was dealing with the same thing. 

Within a couple weeks she got back with me with all the contact information I’d need for Fertility Specialists of Texas. (www.fertilitytexas.com) It was a one physician clinic but was adding another doctor within a few months. She had found some awesome stats on the clinic and great reviews and had told her daughter about the clinic as well.

After checking into it, the clinic was the right place. I knew it was where we were supposed to go. But. But their next appointment wasn’t for several weeks and I didn’t think there was any possible way I could get work off and make it work. The clinic’s hours are only during the time I work. Also, money is still tight for us. We’re paying off two huge student loans for Bryce’s helicopter school and we’re on a very strict budget so we can do so. We’ve been saving “health money” and have been trying so hard to save it up so we’d have enough to at least start treatments. The whole thing was so stressful to me. 

I delayed making an appointment as we deliberated. 

Then our miracles started again. I found out at work in August that my Vacation time was going to flip at my year mark instead of at what I had assumed was the end of this calendar year. All the sudden I had 6 days of vacation time and sick time I needed to use up within the month. I started calling doctor’s offices. I tried the clinic I’d been referred to but was told the next appointment wasn’t for several weeks-again. So I tried three other offices. I actually scheduled with one of them but as soon as I hung up it felt wrong. I called back and cancelled. The other two didn’t have openings for a month. Crazy. 

I gave up for the day and prayed hard that night. The next day they scheduled me to take two days off work the following week. So I called FST again and was told they had just added that second physician to the practice. No openings that week so I asked if they did cancellation lists since I’d have time off. Nope, but I could call as many times as I wanted for last minute cancellations. 

I knew that that first day I had off work I’d call in the morning and there would be an opening. I knew it.

First day off work: I woke up and got ready for the day and called the office at 8:20am. There was a cancellation for 2:30 that day. I called Bryce, he was able to get the second half of the day off even though it was last minute. I was able to convince my previous doctor’s office in Utah to send my records that day even though they normally take a week to do so. (bless that girl’s heart!!) We had enough saved in our ‘health fund’ to pay in full for the appointment, ultrasound and lab work. 

We loved their office, their staff and our doctor. She’s new with the practice but has been practicing for many years. We loved how she met with us and talked with us for quite some time and we discussed our plan. I had never got an actual diagnosis from any doctor I had seen prior. So we made a plan to get a diagnosis and then we would sit down with her to discuss our options and then move forward with whatever plan we chose. 

Between the ultrasound, 3 sets of lab work, HSG test, MRI and a semen analysis  we found that the problem was definitely with me. This was no surprise. But I had two diagnoses. The first was no surprise. It was one I had suspected for the last 4 years of negative tests. But the second was one we were not prepared for. It was not something we had heard of and as it turned out our families hadn’t either. It happens to only 1/4000 women. 

The diagnosis was a shock, devastating, disappointing, and difficult to swallow let alone wrap my brain around. But there was good news! She is sure we’ll be able to get pregnant. But not on our own. (I swear, it was so up and down---good news, bad news, good news, bad news....) I’m so grateful to be with this doctor through this though. She was amazing at discussing it was us. She was amazing at breaking the news but keeping us focused on the important things and assuring us that they can help us achieve pregnancy. It was a long conversation and let’s just say it took several weeks after for me to start to realize the implications. (which include but are not limited to: IVF as literally, the safest treatment option for my body, an automatic high-risk pregnancy, high probability of pre-term labor and delivery, and high likelihood that IVF will be our only option for every pregnancy in the future).

During our conversation about my diagnosis and discussing our options, she did say that we could try a few other less expensive treatments than IVF. But our chances of success with any other treatment are cut by more than 50%, would most likely take multiple tries, and most importantly would be a huge health/safety risk for my body. 

We left her office knowing we would move forward with something but didn’t know which one. Like I explained earlier, we’ve tried so hard to get out of debt, pay off student loans, and avoid credit card use like the plague. We’ve seen what can happen when you start down that road....it’s just not in the cards to take that route. (If it came down to our one and only choice in order to get pregnant, yes we’d get a loan or something but only as a last resort!)

During that next week as we continued to get test results back, we prayed so very hard. With our financial situation, we knew we’d barely barely be able to afford the cheaper options every few months if we were careful. We couldn’t even fathom coming up with a way to afford IVF. But I started having anxiety/panic attacks frequently during the week we were considering those options. My chest would tighten up and my throat would close up and I’d start to hyperventilate. It felt like someone sitting on my chest. At the time I chalked much of it up to my diagnosis. It’s a hard one to live with.

We prayed more. We knew the Lord would give us an answer somehow some way. 

The next week I talked with our doctor over the phone about another test result and it’s implications and discussed the possibility of IVF more in depth. That evening as Bryce and I started considering that it was our best option, my anxiety lessened significantly. 

We took that as a sign and brought our decision to the Lord. By the next morning we both knew that IVF was the answer and that God would help us find a way. 

During the time we got the diagnosis, a sister had approached us with the idea that our family could do Christmas for the Davies and donate money to our cause. We were touched but hadn’t decided on IVF yet so I said to let us make our treatment decision first. She approached me again a few days later with the idea of an online auction.....talk about going against all my privacy inclinations!! It was/is an amazing idea and concept and wonderful that she would offer, let alone consider, to organize it. But like I mentioned up top, Bryce and I are intensely private about trying to get pregnant and fertility treatments. Our family and close friends knew what was going on but mostly just generally. We had given more information here and there where needed but rarely went into detail. 

I cherish the closeness we’ve felt as we’ve dealt with this trial together as a couple. We’ve learned so much from each other! I honestly wouldn’t give up the time we’ve kept it private for anything. He’s given me priesthood blessings and we’ve prayed together and we’ve fasted together. I’m eternally grateful to have such a solid caring husband to hold my hand through all of this. (And he says to include that he’s incredibly handsome to top it off....I certainly won’t disagree!) 

So when she talked to me about the idea, I was more than hesitant but as we got to the point that we decided IVF was what we were to do, we knew we’d need help. 

The same week we decided on IVF, we got in touch with a couple that had recently moved to Texas as well (I knew her from HS). They had done a successful IVF cycle last year and now have two beautiful baby boys! She is involved with a non-profit organization, Pound the Pavement for Parenthood. (www.poundthepavementforparenthood.com) We had dinner with them and discussed the possibility of doing a 5k race with this organization and possibly being sponsored. (proceeds go towards the sponsored couple to help with IVF or adoption costs! Such an awesome organization!!!) Unfortunately, it’s too cold at this time of a year for a race to be organized. So if we do end up doing one and get sponsored, it’ll be in the spring. Very exciting! 

After talking with them, we felt again the confirmation that IVF was the way to go and we felt good about applying to be sponsored and in conjunction, decided to open up a little, ask for help and let my sisters try out an auction.

That night, I called my parents and cried through the entire 25 minute conversation as I filled them in on the decision we’d made to do IVF. It was a bittersweet moment for us.

THE AUCTION: 

My sister, Jana was the one who had originally suggested the auction and was so happy to move forward with it when I gave her the go-ahead. She discussed everything with our siblings and they jumped right on the plans. We typed up a short explanation/our story to put on the auction page and as soon as they had it they started contacting family, friends and vendors asking for any kind of donation: product, service or item that could be auctioned off. 

I think we were all hopeful when they started that they could raise a good amount of money. A few hundred to be sure, and who knew, maybe 1 or 2 thousand when we were thinking positively. 

I work 40 hours a week at an office 40 minutes away from home so I’m away from the computer (other than what little I can access on my phone) for 10+ hours per day mon-fri. I don’t see most of what they have to put into it to make it so successful. But I can see parts of it. I can see how many emails they had to send out to hundreds of potential donors, friends and family. I can see how often they have to be online to answer questions and advertise all the while taking care of their own families, cooking, cleaning, and living their own very busy lives. I can see how much work each donation post is. Yet, I can hear in their voices the willingness and love they put into the hours and hours it’s taken to carry this out. 

As they started out that first day, the first 5 donations came within hours of the first emails sent, then another 30 by the end of the day. After a few days the numbers had increased so much they made a goal to have 150 donations by the end of that week. I think we all felt a little crazy for shooting that high but they did it anyway. 

By the end of that week, the day we opened the auction, they had met and exceeded their goal of 150 donations from over 115 vendors/donors. Many of whom I have never met! And they still had more donations coming in all day and through day 2 (today). 

As of this evening, they have 221 donations, 292 likes on the page, and today we’ve reached over 16,000 people.  The numbers have surpassed all of our expectations and blown me away. 

It’s taught me how good people are. 

It’s taught me about the importance of family and friends. 

It’s taught me again, that when the Lord wants something to happen and you follow his promptings, He’ll come through and show forth His miracles. 

I thank the Lord night and day for every person that has contributed time, money, donations, and especially prayers. We cannot wait to be able to bring our little one into this world and thank you for helping us to make it happen!

All our love and gratitude,

Cherise & Bryce Davies